i was born a porn star she said
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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