is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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