I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
