Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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