Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
