I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
