listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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