everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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