I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
