I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
