I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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