It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
