the condom got lost in my hair
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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