The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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