drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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