I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just high enough for therapy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
