forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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