i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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