Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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