Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
