I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize