I am spending my child support on dildos
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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