when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
