I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
