i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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