you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
