Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
