i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
