its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
