Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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