Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.