remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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