1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
