i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
