My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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