it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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