is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
