Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
