i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
