And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
