Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
