wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
