I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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