Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize