Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
