god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
