She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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