She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
