I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
