You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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