Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
