y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
