sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
