worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
