I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's the barista slut.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize