college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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