Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
