I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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