I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
