Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
