i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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