I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
