Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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