Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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